Better together, Not apart

I want to talk about women uplifting other women.

I am often told by people that are close to me, that I am as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside. Most days I am a fairly confident individual, but there have been several occasions with other women, that have made me feel insecure, less than, judged, etc. etc.

I will be the first to admit, that a lot of times I internalize things and take a lot of things too personal, and people dismiss my thoughts when I speak them out loud saying things like "you're overthinking it", "it's not that big of a deal", "it's not about you", "don't take it personal", and sometimes I would agree that these people who love and care about me are probably right, but a lot of times, I know I am, because of that infamous "gut feeling" I typed about a couple of posts back.

I, being a successful, confident, beautiful woman, am often AUTOMATICALLY disliked for this by other women, and I just wanted to pose one question...When did women start hating one another so much? What happened that made us so insecure as a group that we can't muster some type of uplifting encouragement for one other, or praise ? Why do we feel the need to constantly critique the other, and talk about why they do what they do with their life, as if it's any of our business?

I am typing this so quickly because this is something I feel very strongly about. I chose a career path that is predominantly female and I was surrounded by nothing but women (with the exception of a couple of boys) for 3 years and I felt as if there were more times that we were picking one another apart than celebrating each others differences. I can't say ANYTHING because most of the time my behavior was a a response that originated out of insecurity or fear, and I am just now looking back and realizing how ashamed I am of myself for my thoughts, actions, and behaviors a lot of the times. I didn't fulfill my duty of encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring the women that I directly encountered everyday, instead I acted like I knew all the answers, like a know it all, and as if everyone should automatically know just how AMAZING I am. (Don't get me wrong, I am amazing, and I know it takes guts to say that about yourself, but when you know you know LOL)-- but think about it-- Do you automatically think someone is amazing when you first meet them, or do you let their actions over time tell you who they are? (I hope you chose the latter).

I will digress bc what I really want to talk about is INSPIRING EACH OTHER and CELEBRATING OUR DIFFERENCES instead of PUTTING EACH OTHER DOWN. I love when people tell me things that are inspiring and motivating, it really gets my fire going and makes me feel like I am fulfilling the purpose that God has given me, and even further, I LOVE inspiring and motivating other women that inspire and motivate me. I like to let people know that they are a light, and they are an inspiration bc sometimes that one sentiment could be the difference between an average day and an excellent day, at least that has been the case for me.

Here are some things I am going to do to be better at inspiring and motivating other women:

1) Let them know how inspirational they are more often.

2) Take the time to listen (we all have the right and NEED to be heard)

3) Practice the art of patience when responding to comments made directly to me, and truly try to empathize rather than judge and dismiss.

4) Celebrate differences, find ways to look at them positively, even if I "think" they are negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on it, maybe thinking a long the lines of "how can this make me better"

5) Let them know how important their existence is in my life.

6) If I find myself comparing myself to another woman and experience feelings of insecurity, envy, jealousy, try to find the root of these feelings, what is going on inside of me that is making me feel like I am not good enough, when I know that I am.

7) Compliment my girlfriends, uplift them, tell them they're doing good and awesome things!!!

8) STAY HUMBLE. Humility is one of those things I strive to master, and want to be able to tell myself I'm doing right, when I feel as if proclaiming I am "humble" goes against the entire definition of what humility stands for.

11) Celebrate one another. Celebrate accomplishments in life, be it having a baby, getting married, completing a hike, staying sober, walking around the block, finishing a season of a show on netflix, I don't care CELEBRATE ONE ANOTHER. Stop judging people for being themselves and doing things they enjoy.

Those are just a few things I would like to do more of, without the expectation of receiving something in return. That's my problem, APPROVAL, I want everyone to like me and approve of me HA HA, isn't that hilarious, but I will say, there is nothing wrong with learning to just be kind.

so the last thing I am going to say in this post is a charge (for myself and for all of you, boys included):

BE KIND: be kind to yourself AND be kind to others.

For goodness sake BE KIND! Why is it so hard to find something nice to say? and if you don't have something nice to say, THEN DO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Quit being so petty and rude to one another. WORDS CAN HURT. That whole "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me saying" It's fucking bullshit, just so you know, in case you haven't figured it out by now.

Oh and do not judge a book by it's cover. We all have our own struggles, just because someone looks amazing and beautiful from the outside doesn't mean they are exempt from having worries and problems just like you.

Also, and this is the last thing and I promise I'll stfu. If you decide you don't like a girl just bc 9/10 it's because of something going on inside of you. Imma challenge you to take a look at yourself, que Michael Jackson's "I'm looking at the man in the mirror..." . I cannot tell you how many times girls have decided they "do not like me" for literally no reason, when they have not encountered me long enough to truly develop a sense of who I am. On the flip slide of this I can actually think of a time when I was working in the PICU and there was this nurse that worked there who I decided I didn't like for NO REASON EXCEPT FOR MY OWN INSECURITIES, and now I regret that because if I hadn't let my insecurities get in the way, who knows, we could have been great friends. Imma go ahead and say this for anyone else who can relate to someone disliking you: 9/10 IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU, for real, that SHIT IS CALLED INSECURITY and JEALOUSY, and trust me...it's not your problem. Don't lose sleep over it or let it rent room in your head. Stop giving that person the satisfaction of your time and your energy. You deserve to treat yourself better than that. If someone doesn't like you and doesn't want to be a part of your life: "f*** em" there's this really great song by Lady Sovereign that goes a little something like this:

"Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession, love me or hate me, that is the question, if you love me then, "FANK YOU, and if you hate me then, F*** YOU." LOL it's pretty great. she's British, so you will not regret checking it out on iTunes or spotify. You're welcome.

Wrapping things up for today:

Ladies, let's do better to inspire one another and be there for one another rather than allow our fears and insecurities to tear one another part. There is already enough back biting and bitterness in the world. Be a light in someones life rather than a dark spot. Be the reason someone smiles.

Until next time,

xoxo

SLG