My daddy.

When I think of my daddy, I always love quoting Bindi Irwin’s message to the world after her father died:

“I have the best daddy in the whole world”

It’s true, except for I believe my daddy was the best daddy. He truly was. If every person had the outlook on life that he had, the world would be a better place. He was the kind of dad that knew how to bring you back down to earth during a crisis, and somehow not invalidate your feelings in the process. It usually went something like this: are you alive misha? I would answer, yes sir and he would say, then that’s all that matters. The absolute best at leveling your spirit when you felt shaken up.

When he died, I related it to my world losing a little of its sparkle. My dad didn’t realize he possessed this, because we had many talks and he was always afraid he would die and nobody would remember him. I think that’s why he was always telling his stories, so people would remember that he lived.

How wrong he was. He was truly was, just as our favorite song goes, Unforgettable, He’s really what I think of when I think of the phrase, though he is little; he is mighty. He had a magnanimous presence. He always showed up like a little kid on Christmas, ready for the excitement of whatever the day would bring. He was always ready for a party, especially if it involved dressing up. He was just a big kid at heart: kind, patient, generous, humble, loyal, helpful, loving, goofy, playful, down for anything, and he always showed up when we needed him.

When I turned 12, my dad got custody of my siblings and I, HOW Exhausting it must have been, to take care of all 5 of us and continue to work full time, but he NEVER once complained, not once. I can’t remember one time he ever said “gosh you kids are so annoying sometimes” at us. I really can’t. The only time he would get upset with us is when he had a reason to. And of course we all gave him some reason every once in a while.

It’s impossible to sum up the greatness of him in a few paragraphs. If you had the opportunity to know him well, then you likely heard all of the stories of the things he went through, but if you haven’t, you should read the obituary, my step mom did a beautiful job summing up his life. He was always telling us his life stories over and over and I always told him: I want to write a book about you daddy, your story deserves to be heard by everyone. It is a story of resilience after suffering many forms of pain: physical, mental, and emotional.

I wish I could recount all the many stories of him showing his love for us. I was talking to my brother just last night about how he would do anything for us. Sacrifice anything. He would lose sleep, money, relationships, he loved us to a fault, unconditionally. If our dream was to buy a space ship and hang the moon, he would try to figure out a way to make it happen for us and he would be our biggest supporter in that endeavor.

One of my favorite things about him as a father though, was that he knew how to love us each in the way he knew we needed. That means to say he took the time to know each of us and nurture us in the way he knew would be best to nurture our qualities and allow us to become our own individuals, making our own path in life. He was the best at teaching us how to be true to our authentic selves. He talked about us all the time: the pillar (cally), the adventurer (me), the brawn, the lone wolf, and the heart. Together we were his pack. He was our leader.

If you knew my dad, you knew he loved life. You knew how much he loved his children. You knew how devoted he was as a husband, and you knew how much he loved being a goofball, you knew how much he loved candy, you knew how much he loved his job, his coworkers and his precious patients, you knew how much he loved music— and you knew how much he loved so many other little things in life. He just knew how to appreciate all of the things life had to offer bc he truly understood the fragility between life and death.

His love was expansive. It didn’t stop with us. He was warm and friendly to everyone he met. He took in a lot of stray children and adopted them into the fold. He didn’t know how to be unkind, even if he wanted to, which most of the time he didn’t want to.

I will think of him EVERYTIME I hear Michael Jackson, anytime I see one of his favorite candies, anytime I drink coffee, or hear animal crossing. Anytime I eat sushi, sing our Karaoke songs or anytime I go to a party and it involves dressing up. Anytime I’m surrounded by the people that remind me of him most — my siblings and even myself.

We feel him with us all of the time. I know his spirit will always be with us, and we especially feel it when we are are all together.

There are so many things I could say the list could go on and on and on and on, but just as in life, especially in his death, no words could ever be enough.

If he were here now, he would be the person enjoying this the most. All of his favorite things:

Candy, music, popcorn; family, friends, making moments. He would tell us not to be sad. He would say “misha quit crying, THIS IS NOT SAD”

It’s true daddy; you wouldn’t want us to be sad, but my world will never be the same without you in it and what excites me the most is looking forward to the day I get to see your precious face again and hold your sweet hands.

Someone once told me, the funny thing about love is , you cannot have great love without the possibility of great pain.

My daddy was great love and the pain of losing him is monumental. It comes in waves and they get smaller sometimes but every once in a while a big one comes and takes you under. However, I wouldn’t trade having him as my daddy for world. He was one of the most remarkable men I have ever met, and I am So grateful we had the opportunity to call him ours.