"hello, it's me"

Hey Everyone,

Wow, have I been MIA, or have I been MIA?

I just wanted to come on here and see if I felt inspired to write anything at all. I know we are all struggling in our own ways with the way that COVID-19 has affected us differently. Some things about me: I struggle with intrusive thoughts which leads to struggles with insecurity and self-worth. I've had to deal with these struggles my entire life, and most days I am very good at coping with them. Over the past almost 9 years I have developed life-altering strategies that help me turn my frowns upside down, and my bad days into good days. Most of the time, it's about perspective, and how we see ourselves and the world. People who are optimistic will see the world half glass full, and pessimistic, half glass empty, and a realist will just see a glass of water. I see it differently, on different days, all dependent on how I'm "feeling" because I'm a "feelings" person and sometimes feelings are hard to navigate.

I read a post today that inspired me, because my gut is telling me to open this blog to the public, and my gut is telling me, that it doesn't just have to be about dating stories, though they will still be included, don't worry, because those are very important, infact the next post will be related to dating, but I'm done with letting fear hold me back from doing things because that's the reason why I decided to make this blog anonymous in the first place because of that said fear, but you know what:

TO HELL WITH FEARS OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. Because that has always been my biggest struggle-- worrying about what YOU, and, YOU, and YOU think, and then (this is hilarious) I'll be the first to try to tell you "AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, ONLY WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF BC YOU ARE THE PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO SLEEP WITH AT NIGHT, EVEN IF THERE IS SOMEONE LAYING RIGHT BESIDE YOU, IT'S YOU AND YOUR THOUGHTS, AND NO ONE is PRIVY TO THOSE, UNLESS YOU LET THEM BE, AND EVEN THEN WE DON'T ALWAYS REVEAL EVERYTHING" --- so then why am I acting so afraid to express myself freely, to open up and share my experiences with the world, when my gut is saying do it, but my fears are telling me "they will judge you, they will laugh about you, no body cares what you have to say"????

I know that's not true. At least 33 of you care what I have to say, and if i've learned anything, even if you only touch 1 person, you've still done something more than nothing, because we each matter, that one life MATTERS SO MUCH. YOU MATTER SO MUCH, and following your dreams and pursuing them in spite of your fears MATTERS SO MUCH.

So my gut is telling me to go public. I have a lot of things I want to share, about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness, and I won't let fear get in the way of that anymore. I have a really good friend that always used to tell me "fear and love cannot exist in the same plane" and that's more apparent to me now than it was back then, and keeps growing more apparent over time. What does this new change mean for scheduling? it means more content, which means more posts, which means more opportunity to reach you all during this difficult time of our lives. What do I want from you -- just be here. Thats it, just read my post and if you dont comment publicly, encourage me to write more, that you love reading them, that helps to inspire and motivate me to get off my butt, (or stay on my butt since I'm sitting on it as I type this), and get my fingers to moving.

I love you all, even if I dont know you. I love you because God created you, and he challenged me to love my neighbors as myself, and he didn't tell me to be selective about that. I love you even on the days when I don't like you.

I hope you all are doing well, I'm doing well and I'm feeling happy and free-er than I have felt in a long time. I honestly thank God for COVID-19, it has stirred a feeling inside of me up that I haven't felt in a long time, and I don't think I would have felt it again if I hadn't had the time to reflect on so many things that have happened to me over the course of my 31 years of life. GOD is good and I am so grateful. Keep on keeping on,

xoxo,

SLG, M <3