Let’s talk about GROWTH

I don’t mean physical growth. Im talking mental, emotional, and spiritual growth.

We all experience it In some way or another throughout our lifetime, and in our adulthood some of us choose to continuously experience it after going through new, exciting, or perhaps, even challenging experiences.

I’m a firm believer in growth and self development as being a life long process. I believe we should all try to continuously grow towards the best version of ourselves, that all of life’s breaking points should be turned into lessons that we mull over and take something from in order to transform something ugly into something beyond our wildest dreams.

God gave me a knack for that, if you know me well, you know this is my biggest passion in life, self-growth. It is ingrained In every fiber of who I am and I will defend it being the best thing for mankind until I take my last breath, and I believe the world would be a much better, healthier, place if we collectively thought of it that way, it’s paramount to fixing what’s broken, to forgiveness, to letting go, to creating something beautiful and lasting. It doesn’t come without hard work. You have to be willing to look at some pretty ugly parts of yourself, and accept your demons and learn how to rid your life of them, and to be honest most days it is challenging, messy, and beyond difficult, but at the end of the day, it makes for an incredible journey. To say “I survived that”, “I forgave that person”, “I had the courage to try again”, “I loved myself enough to know I deserved better”, it is HEALING, magical and transformative. You become elevated and “a better person today than you were yesterday”

But,here is the sad and awful truth:

WE DO NOT ALL GROW IN THE SAME DIRECTIONS, at the same speed, in the same life times, and that can be one of the most painful thing to accept, to grow away from people who love you, who were so much a part of your beginning and your middle that you HOPE UPON HOPE they will always be apart of your story in the same way they always were, but sometimes it’s just not so, and that requires growth in itself to recognize.

I experienced a seriously traumatizing event in the beginning of March, and I began to medicate my pain through the use of anti depressants and it made me numb, and instead of dealing with my trauma, I was shoving it. I was just on auto pilot, safely in a bubble with cruise control set, hands up, sitting behind the wheel in the daze, and that was okay to me in the beginning but then I started to reAlize I couldn’t even be an active participant in my life and the things that brought me great joy. I stopped writing, posting, reaching out and helping, crying (I’m a crier in all times joy, beauty, and sadness), working out (y’all know i love my gym time) and through this numbness I realized I would rather feel and deal with everything as it is, and experience soul transformative growth, then to apathetically feel nothing at all.

Life is hard, sometimes, we know that, but it’s so worth the hard times, to experience even a minute of that joy. To feel the sun on your skin, to laugh with the people who love you, to write and feel, & to know that there is a better day tomorrow.

And coming out of my fog, I have to accept the painful truth, that sometimes we outgrow one another, and my what a hard pill that is to swallow. To accept that I’ll wave to you from my car in the opposite lane, or perhaps from the back windshield as I pass you up, but we can’t spend our lives waiting for other people to catch up to our speed and we can’t anticipate them coming back into our lane. We have to move on, having a hope that we will all make it to the same final destination. It’s metaphorical, but if you know, you know, and over the past month of tapering off this numbing medicine, It’s hit me like a ton of bricks, that I won’t always have the exact same people in my life the way that I WANT to have them there, and I’ve cried a lot of tears accepting this painful truth, because change and moving and growing causes a different kind of pain.

I hope that makes sense, and oh well if it doesn’t, it probably wasn’t meant for you.

I’m glad to be back here doing something that makes me feel so alive.

I hope you are all well, and watering your heart, feeding your mind, and transforming your souls

And may we not be afraid to shed our old skin and make room for the beauty that lies beneath, and to especially not be afraid to leave the people behind who are holding us back from tapping into our greatest potential.

All my love.

M.