Now you see me, now you don't.

Hey All, back again to bring you an action packed blog post where we dive into my thoughts and feelings about GHOSTING. Y'all still there? Do I have your attention? You better get something to drink, and find somewhere comfy to plug in, bc this is a long one, and it's not as light and funny as my usual ones, but still worth the read, nonetheless.

Alright, so I posed the question on my blogging instagram and asked if people have ever been ghosted or if they have been the ones to ghost,

I only got 2 responses, so I then took it to my personal account and posed the question, looking for honest feed back. Not surprisingly, people don't really want to answer this question because 1) it's embarrassing/painful to admit that we've been ghosted, and 2) it's shameful and shitty to admit we've been the one to ghost someone. I found it surprising that the majority of the responses I got from were guys-- Like WHERE YOU AT, Ladies?? Y'all scared Imma Judge you or something??? l I mean I'm not surprised, you probably have done a lot of ghosting and feel ashamed, it's fine, I get it. No judgement here, TRUST.

I have spoken to several friends about this topic before, with mostly mixed feelings, and truth be told, even though I have been on the receiving end of being ghosted, and I know how much it hurts, I still sometimes contemplate whether it's the right move to make, so here are my thoughts on the topic:

As someone who likes to pride herself on being open and honest, I would say that it goes against my grain to ghost, but more often than not I am faced with the dilemma of whether or not I should hurt someone's feelings by being straight forward, or hurt someone's feelings by ghosting them, and taking the easy way out (easy way out for myself, aka SELFISH)

If we look at it from a moral/ethical stand point it would seem that facing the truth head on would be the better of the two options. Whether we hurt someone's feelings or not doesn't really matter, so much as telling the truth does. Hurt feelings pass much more quickly once we are told the truth anyways, because we have that beautiful thing we call, CLOSURE.

In the past, I used to ghost just about anyone, it didn't matter how long I knew you or had been speaking to you. Usually I would ghost based on a sudden feeling of discomfort. I didn't feel like it was necessary to volunteer the reasoning behind my ghosting, because I was almost always certain, that their lives would go on without me. Now, I know that I am really not that important, and most certainly, yes, people's lives do go on without me, however that doesn't take away from the pain of not knowing why someone just excused themselves from your life, without a trace. I look back on these actions and find them immature, and lacking in reason. I took the easy way out, because it was easier for ME to run and not explain things then have to go through the discomfort of revealing the truth.

Fast forward to my life now. It took me a couple of times of getting called out on my bullshit for me to truly realize the gravity of my ghosting, even if my encounters with these guys were brief, like say, just met for one coffee date and decided it wasn't going to work, then I felt like ghosting was optional because we had only met up that once. Well if you know me at all, you know that when I meet with someone I tend to pull a lot out of them. That's just kind of my nature, spill the tea please, so sometimes first time encounters end up with you feeling like we've known one another for a lifetime, and we cover all topics under the sun. (this is a whole nother topic that can be discussed, don't spill too much tea on the first date, or cry, or emote, or talk about family problems, whatever it may be that's way too deep and moody)-- anyways so with that being said, ghosting after this can feel really awful for the person who was on the other end, and actually felt like they connected, when it's generally easy and not painful for the other party involved, I'm not trying to sound like an asshole, YOU and I both know it's true. If you are the one ghosting, it doesn't hurt you as much because you don't have any type of attachment to this person you are ghosting, it's that simple, but the thing is, it doesn't matter, because that doesn't make it right.

I ghosted a guy one time and he sent me a stream of text messages outlining what a shitty human I was, etc, etc. I will not say that what this guy did was right (because I also don't believe it's okay to lash out and make people feel shitty bc 9/10 they are already beating themselves up for their behavior)-- But, I will have to admit, what this guy said to me, really stuck with me, and that's when I really started to consider, that no matter how brief the time period of talking to someone and inviting them into your life, you at least owe them an explanation when you decide to exit whatever space it is the two of you have created.

Just because you haven't known someone for a very long time, doesn't make them less susceptible to hurt and pain when you decide not to talk to them anymore. I can't even begin to explain/describe the pain that you feel when you are ghosted. It really sucks, and it lingers for a while because it doesn't give you any way of having closure. You're just left there with these feelings that you hoped would go somewhere, but didn't, and I don't care what ANYONE SAYS. That doesn't make you crazy, it just makes you human.

So the majority of people said they have been ghosted, one guy even said he was went on a couple of dates with this girl and she ghosted him after they had a trip planned together. She later resurfaced in his life and they hung out again and she explained why she ghosted, and even though things didn't pan out between them after that, he was still able to get the closure he needed from that relationship.

This post wasn't to make you feel bad about yourself, but maybe just to make you consider, or think twice before you decide to just disappear and pretend like someone never existed. We are all human and we all have feelings. Even if you're not feeling what they're feeling, that doesn't cancel out their feelings and give us the right to just toss them aside.

Some of the best guys I've ever gone on dates where I liked them more than they liked more, they wanted to friend zone me or WHATEVER have you, ended with them sitting me down and telling me face-to-face that there just wasn't a connection for them, and while at the time, it hurt my heart a little, I was able to move on so quickly bc I had that immediate understanding and closure that they were not the one God made for me.

It's hard to face the truth sometimes, ESPECIALLY when it involves hurting someone's feelings, but I can promise you in the long run its always, always, ALWAYS, worth it.

I will say this, too, there are definitely some instances when ghosting is really just your only option, if a MFer is crazy:ghost. If he is ugly to you:: BOY, BYE. If he is obsessive: also, BYE. I know, two wrongs don't make a right, or whatever, but there are some people who really just DO NOT GET THE MEMO, and those are the ones you have to put in the "no contact" ghost zone, if ya catch my drift.

Y'all stay safe out there my friends!!

Until next time,

xoxo SLG