Simba, the Ly-in King 👑

Hello everyone, I wrote this way back in October I believe. I had been dating this seemingly narcissistic guy — I’m sure you remember, he was the really hot guy with the dog, anyways this is what I experienced when I was with him.

I just want to say, I actually spoke to someone else about this guy, she also dated him briefly, and we both got bad vibes from him.

I also want to say I have noticed a pattern in the men I date and I have decided to take this time in my life to work on myself and figure out why I am drawn to men who treat me with utter disrespect and disdain, and why I give them the benefit of the doubt when they repeatedly do things to me that make them undeserving. I just wanted to preface with that. This is one of the best I’ve ever written and I stand but what I write — all my love!

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I wrote this for anyone who is curious as to why my ex and I broke up, one reason being, he was full of himself, he asked on several occasions, "when are you going to write about us", and I often thought it was strange that a guy would be so desperate for a girl to write about him on her blog, but now I understand that it was all about him having his ego fed. When I left him for the last time, I thought to myself, I won't write about him, it would be too satisfying for him to read, but I think it's important to share just in case this is the type of relationship one of you finds yourself in or perhaps you resonate with the the shadow person I dated. So my advice to you if you are reading this and anything I say resonates with you, then you might want to do some soul-searching and figure out how to get your head out of your own ass and start letting people know that you care about anyone other than yourself, so that you can break out of that self-absorbed, selfish, arrogant, "God's gift to human kind" attitude that you give off-- or if you resonate with me, the other party in the relationship -- GET THE HELL OUT OF THE DODGE— bc no matter how amazing you are, how good you treat them, and how many times they say I’m sorry and pretend to be different for a couple of days or hours or minutes, the person they are to their core will always return, and you can’t overlook poor treatment just bc of those few moments of laughter and bliss. It’s not worth it sis, trust me.

My last boyfriend was an asshole. That word alone sums him up, and I really don't have to write anything else, but I want to so that I can paint a picture of what I was dealing with, so that if his little friends and fan base that he sends over here to seek pity from, as he drags my name through the mud, also get a chance to read about the way he treated me, because I know he will paint me to be "the crazy one", "who didn't give him an inch of trust", "she was too needy" bc I “asked for so much“ and he “really was trying“. Im sure he talks about me in the exact same way be used to talk TO ME about his other ex-girlfriends, specifically the one who hit him in the head with a canoe paddle (as if she did that for no reason)--but there is NO such thing as TOO NEEDY, and there's a reason why people deem other people as untrustworthy--- and that is because they don't deserve to be trusted.

I'm about to go back to the day I decided to leave him, I wrote this while I was still contemplating my decision:

I am writing this sitting on my soon to be ex boyfriends back porch, and he doesn’t even know.

And if Im being honest, he probably doesn’t care. He just got home from a full night of working, and yet again let me down by not following through on something he told me he would do; and I think I’ve finally had enough.

I remember when I first met him, the first date,

I felt all giddy and excited about potentially finally having met someone who I clicked with, and he said the sweetest thing to me that night as we sat on flat wooden beach chairs, listening to the waves, and breathing one another in. “The occupational therapist meets the occupational hygienist”

I thought for sure he was the one for me. Then the second date, I noticed how he barely asked me any questions about myself, and he went on and on about himself, to the point where I was nauseated, but for some reason I allowed his charm and humor to captivate me.

The third time we hung out was after I found out about passing my occupational therapy boards. He asked me how I wanted to celebrate, and I told him I would like cupcakes. that night I got ready for the date, and as soon as I got in the car I asked “so where are we getting cupcakes?” and he seemed exasperated and upset when he looked at me

and said “Oh my gosh, I COMPLETELY forgot”, mind you, I wasn’t happy about this in the least because he had truly let me down and demonstrated how much thought he had put into making the night a very special occasion for me, and let's be clear, THIS WAS A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT IN MY LIFE and someone who cares, WOULD NOT HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ONE THING I ASKED FOR, and he didn't even have a good reason, He said he went to the gym and just forgot, so NO I don't think I was asking too much. I looked him in the eyes and without wavering, I said “well, this is the first time you let me down”. I should have cut him loose then. Because you know what they say about firsts ? There’s always bound to be seconds, thirds, fourths and, well you catch my drift.

-in the beginning it’s supposed to butterflies, not doubt. if a guy really likes You, he makes sure to impress you

-he was himself from the very beginning, a lying, disrespecting, non-follow through, self-absorbed, player.

Things he did that were weird that I called him on that he made me feel "crazy" about:

1) He did not introduce me to his coworker x2, but yet took his time to introduce his coworker to his dog. When I asked him why he decided to introduce his dog to his coworker and not his girlfriend, he said " well I just like to keep my life private" "I wasn't ready to introduce you to people yet"-- Here's a newsflash to all you guys out there reading this: IF you aren't ready to introduce her to people in your life, don't ask her to be your girlfriend, cut the bull shit and let her go in peace.

2) He never asked me simple questions that made me feel cared about, like, "how was your day", and when I asked him why he never felt compelled to ask me about how my day was, his exact response "Well I figured you would tell me about your day if it was bad"

3) Conversations were 9/10 one-sided, meaning he almost always talked about himself, his life, his dog, his job, his car, his hobbies, his special skills, his interests, his family, all about him, his beliefs, his dreams, his goals, rarely about me, oh his music and his shows, too.

4) Now this one,I don't have any actual proof of, so I could be wrong about the smell, BUT I don't think so bc I have one (you'll know what I mean when you keep reading) and I know what it smells like and beware it is going to horrify you, A couple of times his face literally smelled like vagina (and it wasn't mine). The first time I didn't say anything bc I felt like I was losing my mind, the second time I couldn't bite my tongue, but don't worry he made me feel crazy for asking. Dismissing it saying things like "when would I Have the time for that, I barely have enough time to see you", "I wouldn't want that kind of drama in my life", "That is literally the craziest thing I have heard", "What do you think I have some girl hiding in my closet”, as he proceeded to sniff his lotions and soaps on the bathroom counter and asled “could this be it?” Also the weekend after I called him out on this he was the nicest he had ever been to me, he cleaned my car thoroughly, he bought me some really cute pants from target, he doted on me all weekend (and I just had a suspicion, he was doing it out of guilt, bc I was right, and he knew it and had gotten caught, even though he denied it)

5) He rarely liked my instagram posts on his actual instagram account and instead would fly off the radar and like them from his dog's instagram account. I did think this was a little odd, considering if you like a girl or are crushing on her you are going let her know by blowing her shit up-- tho I tried not to read into it too much bc it's social media and who cares ya know? But then family members and my best friend told me they had been keeping an eye on his social media and noticed that he wasn't liking my posts and they thought that it was weird. I don't think I would have ever questioned it myself had something not been said to me, but when I did decide to finally ask him he gave me some bull shit about how "he rarely likes people's photos and he's always using his dog's account" so I put my investigative hat on and started doing some snooping and literally went through every single person on his friends list to see the kind of photos he was liking, and found he was in fact liking other people's photos, and not just on his dog's account. NEWSFLASH FELLAS/LADIES: If you are going to lie about social media to a girl, well, just don't do it. We all have our PI certification in social media and you will get caught.

6) He was always thinking of himself and really only himself. I think generally the only times he was being nice to me were so that he could manipulate me into doing something he wanted for himself, there was never a genuine, "I really like this girl so I'm going to do this for her so she will stick around because I would like to keep her in my life" or when I broke up with him. He sent me one of the nicest messages/things he ever said to me the whole time we were communicating, cue "if you're reading this it's too late" drake album

7) When I asked him to do things for me he acted like it was the end of the world, if a guy likes you and knows your worth and respects you, you shouldn't have to ask him to do things for you, he should want to do things for you out of care, anyways a couple of examples: One day we went out to eat and my allergies had been acting up all day. We were sitting outside at a restaurant in a C-shaped booth, he was on the inside and I was on the outside, and I sneezed, and SNOT WENT EVERYWHERE. I mean literally dripping to my chin. I wish I could say I was being dramatic, I was not. It was everywhere, and unfortunately for me, there were no napkins on the table, and also unfortunately for me I was dating a self-absorbed asshole who didn't even notice, so when I asked him to please get me a napkin he bitched and moaned and said "no" when I asked a second time saying "please I have snot all over my face" he not only said "no" but added "you have two arms and two legs, you can go get one for yourself". I was obviously infuriated at that point and to be honest looking back on it. I should have left him at the restaurant and gotten an uber home. I wasn't brave enough yet. Anyways when I asked him later about the whole ordeal he said "Sometimes when you ask me to do things for you it makes me feel like I am your servant", and he also said "I thought you were just being dramatic" so I did him a favor and alleviated him of the burden of dating my “dramatic ass“ and broke up with him a couple of days later. If you don't want to do things for the person you are dating, if it is be-grudging to you, probs shouldn't be dating them.

8) Mixed signals, treating me like garbage one minute and making me skeptical of his faithfulness, but giving me the keys to his house and letting me use his phone to play music (making me think I had nothing to worry about at the same time, essentially blowing hot and cold”

9) Not giving a care in the world about anything to do with me, my life, my family, my goals, my career, he didn't even give a care about my day, much less anything else I had going on in my life, and when I broke up with him, he let me go without a fight, which didn’t surprise me bc he wasn’t really fighting hard to keep me in the first place.

10) and this is the last one I will mention, bc there are SO many things I could say, so many red flags I ignored. There was one time when he made us dinner and said we would have poptarts for dessert. So I'm thinking aww that's cute, so after dinner he puts one pack of pop tarts in the toaster. I'm thinking okay 1 of those is for me and the other is for him, he then proceeds to eat both pop tarts, so I passive-aggressively said something like "oh I guess I don't get a pop tart", and he responded with "Oh I didn't think you would want one because these are so bad for you, I was trying to spare you the extra calories" This actually really upset me bc it made me feel like he thought I was a whale and was trying to control what I ate... when I mentioned it to him he said He went on to say about blah blah blah he was looking out for me bc of what I had told him to about my body image and I just laid into him about how you should NEVER try to control or dictate what a girl eats or anyone for that matter bc some people struggle with that already and don't need any added guilt from the person they are dating.

And just so we are clear--- I was NOT a peach in this relationship, he literally brought out the absolute worst in me, because I never trusted him because he DID NOT DESERVE TO BE TRUSTED. He did not make me feel secure in his feelings for me and he treated me worse than his dog. He was perplexed as to why I wanted to break up with him. CLUELESS. Which is sad to me really, because I couldn't decide if I thought he was lying about that, too, or if he really was just so self-absorbed that he couldn't see how terrible he was treating me.

It's a good thing I eventually rememberEd my worth and know I deserve better, otherwise I might have put up with that tom-foolery for longer than 2 months, but thank God I know better today, and just so we are clear-- I was NOT okay at first, all the gas-lighting, the manipulating with him playing the victim, had me feeling MESSED UP for a while, and it took me forever to realize that he was just as much a loser in the beginning as he was in the end, and he wasn't just a loser for losing the best thing that ever probably walked into his life, though we know that much is true, but he truly was a loser in life, bc he probably won't ever learn a damn thing from losing me, bc he wasn't capable of seeing a good thing when he had it right in front of him in the first place, he just shat on it until it picked itself up and walked itself right on out the door. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 dollars.

He made me feel small, insignificant and sometimes when I was with him I felt like my identity was disappearing, that who I was as a person was fading away bc he was sucking away my life force and I was allowing it and not really getting anything in return. He also was really good at making me feel “crazy“

bc he was really sweet and goofy sometimes but then would turn sour, and I would leave not knowing whether or not I should go back, and truth be told, I really don’t know why I stuck around for as long as I did; I beat myself up about that for a while. I do believe he was using me to stroke his ego, for pleasure, amongst other things, and there wasn't much in return for me except for a few empty "You're so beautiful"s and "I miss you"'s. Everything with him lacked substance bc he was incapable of going deeper than the skin. I would have never felt appreciated, wanted, adored, respected, or loved. Hell, most days I didn't even feel liked. It's honestly really sad, bc I often wonder what was really going on inside him that made him feel so insecure within himself that he felt the need to treat me the way that he did.

So here's where I have arrived due to this recent experience, I realize, that I don't need him or anyone to validate the security I have in myself. There is no one in this world that is worth losing your own self-worth or value over. I cannot stress this enough. Actually, I know I need to take my own advice more than anyone need's to take mine, bc let me tell you, some of my past blogs that I wrote were what gave me the courage to get the hell out of dodge, along with my older sister, who I thank God for...She was talking to me and helping me have the courage to say good bye for the morning I left his key on the counter of his house. In regards to dating, I don't feel ready. I cannot make promises to a relationship, nor do I want to. I think the one of biggest things this relationship taught me, was that I still have so much I want to do with my life, and until I find someone who has mutual respect for my goals/dreams and the two of us share the idea of helping and supporting one another get there, I am NOT compromising and leaving myself behind for anything or anyone. I'd rather be alone and happy with my overall life, than end up in a relationship where I forfeited so much of myself that I don't even recognize who I am anymore. I was also reminded AGAIN of 3 things: 1) that I have really good gut instincts and I should really stop ignoring them, 2) do not date someone who only posts pics of himself and and half of them are shirtless bc chances are he might have his own head stuck up his ass, and 3) last but not least, DO not stay with someone waiting for them to change, bc we humans don't like to change for anyone but ourselves, meaning we have to have self-awareness first, and then be willing to make changes via intrinsic motivation-- so Don't wait around expecting someone to be different for you--We ain't desperate around here, NO MORE DESPERATE ENERGY.

All my love,