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Writer's pictureMooreHappyVibes

"Thank you for being a friend"

Man, whew it has been a whirlwind of a few weeks. I tell ya what. When God decides to rain down blessings, he sure does bring on the storm. I went from having 0 jobs, to 2 jobs in less than 4 days, and that just did wonders for my mental psyche. If you read my post a couple of weeks back, you'll know that I've struggled with my ups and downs.


Today I wanted to talk about something that has been coming up in conversation a lot with my little sister, the topic of friendship.


What does it mean to you to be a good friend? I have made a list of all of the characteristics I find that are important to have in a good friend, a best friend even, and I have wondered if I have been doing my part, too, as a friend to my friends.


I often find myself being the friend that "keeps in touch" and "reaches out" and "checks in" and to be honest, that can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. I do feel there are some people in my life that are worth reaching out to, even if I don't hear from them often, and even if it's just to check in, but here lately have found myself having the attitude of, if they don't think about me, like I think about then, then why bother? I'll be honest, I have let a lot of friends "go" because I haven't really felt like making all of the effort to keep in touch.


I go back and forth as to whether or not this is the "right attitude" to have, (I do this with a lot of my feelings BTW, bc I am an emotional thinker, so my feelings about things often get me in trouble)


Anyways, so I contemplate this a lot, if they aren't reaching out to me, EVER, does that make me less important to them? I think the answer is no, but does it mean that I should beat myself up over not keeping in touch? I think the answer is also, no. People are busy, have busy lives, and some people aren't as preoccupied thinking about their friends in far away places, but instead are focusing on what they have going on right in front of them. So, I'm the type of friend who likes to reach out to keep in touch and to check in, if you have me in your life, that's one thing I'm good at, but as I've gotten older, it's become more and more narrowed down to a select few that I know genuinely care about me, too. That's just so I don't over exhaust myself mentally and emotionally on people who, at any given time, wouldn't do the same for me in return.


As you get older, I say that because I'm not sure how old my general audience is, but if you are around my age, you understand that as we age, our close friend circle becomes smaller and smaller. I think this is a result of sifting out the bullshit and aligning ourselves with other human beings who feed our souls and our energy in ways that push us towards our goals. It becomes easier to let go of the toxic people and keep the ones around who build us up and encourage us.


I most certainly try to do this with my circle. I don't want friends around me who aren't going to be there for me in my failures AND in my triumphs. I also don't want people in my inner circle who are going to make me feel like my goals and my dreams are "crazy" and "unattainable". I already have enough trouble with trying to convince MYSELF that I am not crazy, lol, I don't need anyone else making me feel that way, too!


Also, it's easier to let go of the people who were only meant to be in our lives for a season. I have had many seasonal friendships, and while the friendships were short-lived most of them served a wonderful purpose for that season of my life, and I will always honor and have gratitude and respect for the place these people held in my life.


Friendships shouldn't be "easy". My best friends are people who have stuck around even when we have our disagreements. They are the people who are willing to say really hard truths to us, when no one else is willing to let us know where we are falling short. They are the friends who accept us on our good days and our bad days, when we are nice and when we are not so nice, and they are always willing to forgive and work through any type of disagreement or hurt feelings that may be present in the friendship, so that your friendship can grow beyond the boundaries and margins of time.


I have had many friends who have said things that upset and disappointment me, but true friends are the ones who are willing to talk about those uncomfortable things and learn from them, and learn to be better in the capacity of their friendship and their love.


Almost every time we have a misunderstanding or disagreement with someone, it will boil down to some aspect of poor communication, and so just being willing to talk about things can really be a game changer in your friendships and really any relationship, for that matter.


We should love our friends unconditionally, and be careful not to judge them when they do things that are different from the way we would do things. This one can be tough for me sometimes, I hate to admit that, but when people do things differently from the way I would do them, it sometimes sets off this alarm in my head that says "that's not right, it would be easier this way". I have to remind myself that we ALL have the right to make our own decisions and even if we have a friend who is doing something we absolutely know isn't good for them, if we point it out one time, and they choose not to take our suggestions or advice, we have to remember that it is THEIR life and they have to learn from their own decisions/mistakes, and carve their own path in life.


I remember being INFURIATED when I was 22 YO and my dad TOLD ME I had a drinking problem and that I needed to GET HELP, and I was so pissed bc I hadn't acknowledged myself that I had a drinking problem, so accepting that was hard for me until I was READY to admit that. Everyone is the same, nobody likes to be told who they are and how they should live their life. We all have to make our own decisions and learn from them, some of us are more willing to listen to the suggestions of others and some of us are head strong and want to do things the hard way, and THAT'S OKAY. I think part of being a good friend is ACCEPTING that sometimes your advice isn't welcome and that more often it's not about giving your friend advice, but rather about BEING A GOOD LISTENER.


Being a good listener is so important, there have been SO many times when all my friends wanted was for me to listen, not for me to impart my "wisdom of age and experience" to them. That's almost as bad as receiving an unsolicited dick pic from a douche canoe. NO THANKS.


Friends don't want to listen to you talk about yourself all of the time. Love is a two way street, even in your friendships, don't just sit there and talk about your life for hours and never ask your friend what's going on in theirs, otherwise you sound like a narcissistic POS, and then in the coming months when they mentioned all the shit that's been going on and you don't have to feel like a POS when you've been fully involved every step of the way and have been there for your friend to vent to during all of their life's ups and downs. LOL The world doesn't revolve around you and people don't just want to talk about your life all of the time.


Also, to all of my married friends and coupled friends out there, remember to reach out to your single friends, I know that we all get caught up in our lives and things get busy, but I will just say from my perspective, I don't have someone, like a life partner, checking in on me on a daily basis, and while yes, I don't necessarily need that, sometimes life gets difficult when you don't have someone to talk to, especially if you don't come from a family where you have a safe space, or a safety circle.


Being a good friend means showing up when you might not really feel like it sometimes, like if you're not feeling well and your friend really needs you to help her with her photo shoot, you suit up and you show up, because you are her friend and you know she would do the same for you.


Being a good friend means forgiveness and not always being right. PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN. ALWAYS. Not sometimes ALWAYS. Remember that, we are all human, we all make mistakes, don't put anyone on a pedestal.


Being a good friend means bringing laughter into your friends life, and vice versa. If y'all aint laughing......well yall probs aint hanging out in the first place. LOL. Life is enriched by laughter, and lots of it should be enjoyed.


I think the reason why it's so important to understand how to be a good friend is because if you want to have a successful romantic relationship, you have to know how to be a friend, first. You have to know that things aren't always going to go the way you want them to necessarily, that people aren't always going to do what you want them to do, that listening is essential to good friendship, but that when things go wrong using your voice is equally as important, and that showing up for your people is HUGE because who would want to be there for someone who isn't there for them?

always remember nobody is perfect, people have good days and bad days, remember to love unconditionally and extend grace to your friends when they’re going through some tough times! ❤️life is too short to hold onto resentments against your friends!


Now go out there and be a good friend. <3


Until next time,


XOXO

SLG


OH AND ADDITIONAL SIDE NOTE:

to my brothers, sisters and close friends (you know who you are) who have been with me through my worst of times and my best of times — I love you all so much, Im grateful for friends like you and would do anything to keep your friendship in my life, bc it is a true gift that keeps giving. 💕








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