Timing is Everything.

Hey Everyone,

I have endlessly wracked my brain trying to think of something worthy of typing for this week's entry. When I decided to create this blog I was in a space of bitterness/sadness because of yet another relationshit disappointment. (And yes I meant to say shit)

I told some of my friends that I wouldn't be ready to talk about that for a while, but surprisingly, I'm finding myself in a rather *this girl has moved on space* cue "Miss Movin' On" by Fifth Harmony. While just two weeks ago I was blasting "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace-- moving on comes in shades of many colors. All associated with memories, feelings tied to those memories, etc etc, but none of it is wrong. It all needs to happen in order to get us to a place of peace and acceptance, not only with the other person, but more importantly (at least I think) with ourselves.

I have been app dating on and off over the past few years. I say "on and off" because I'll get on it meet some choice/interesting characters, then swear off of it again only to find myself back on it in another 2-3 months-- app dating can make for some VERY entertaining stories. For instance, this one guy found the surveillance camera I had installed on my front porch and decided to perform a dance for me and my roomies. My roomie and I went ahead and put music to it of course and now we have the BEST *hands down* unintentional music video. It's pretty classic, I get her to look it up and send it to me when I'm in desperate need of a laugh. LOL

Online dating can be tricky though, because we never TRULY know what a guy's intentions are for being there. Is he there looking for a one night stand? a friend? a shoulder to cry on? or does he actually want something real? Most of the time we are relying on what they tell us to be true in hopes that it will be followed by actions to back up those claims.

The last guy I talked to, (we will refer to him as C for anonymity purposes in this story) I matched with on Bumble, for those that aren't familiar-- Bumble is a dating app in which, you swipe through matches much like tinder, right for interest && left for NOPEs. If you match, the GIRL has to make the first move. So quite honestly, that was my first mistake, getting on Bumble, because you know it has to be filled with a bunch of guys who don't have the balls to do the pursuing in this first place.

So I matched with C, mainly because I had seen him on campus before (I'm in graduate school), so I decided to say hello. Anyways we talked about having seen one another in the library before and hit it off from there. We ended up having 3 dates, and talking all through out the day. We would voice note some back and forth and then sometimes we would talk on the phone. I met him at the end of November, right before Thanksgiving break and I had an anxious feeling in my gut about it because on the one hand I really liked him, but on the other hand, I knew that in January I would be making a big move to a different state and after that I knew I wouldn't be back to the city where we met, and he still had another year of school left. I was doubtful about it working out, and I expressed this to him, and he would ALWAYS reassure me that I didn't need to worry, that we would take it one day at a time, and that "We would cross that bridge when we got to it". That should have been comforting enough, but for some reason my gut still wasn't settled. Anyways, I continued to talk to him over the Thanksgiving Holiday, but I found it odd that he never really tried to make any efforts to see me. I talked to some cherished advisors in my life about the situation, and they told me it seemed odd that he wasn't carving time out to make plans with me. Which I already knew in my heart bc LADIES listen up, if you take away ANYTHING from my dating mishaps please let it be this:

IF HE LIKES YOU, HE WILL MAKE THE EFFORTS TO MAKE YOU A PART OF HIS LIFE, NO MATTER WHAT HE HAS GOING ON, BE IT A HOLIDAY OR NOT, THERE IS ENOUGH TIME IN A DAY TO MAKE TIME FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, THINK ABOUT THAT, CHEW ON IT, BREW ON IT, BELIEVE IT, AND DO NOT ACCEPT BREAD CRUMBS FROM ANY MAN, I DON'T CARE IF HE'S A BUM ON THE STREET OR A PRINCE.

Needless to say, when I first started telling the story of how things ended between us, I was all like *poor me he ended things with me*, but in all actuality, it was me who called him and called bullshit on his lack of follow through on his words. Because while he was saying he liked me and could see it going somewhere his actions were saying otherwise. I have learned through trial and error how to sniff out BS, so now a days guys don't last very long on the shelf until they expire on my timeline. Life's too short, I also love myself too much and know my worth more today than I used to. (which you will get to know as I tell stories of my past dating experiences)

Anyways-- So I called him the day after Thanksgiving. I told him his words weren't matching his actions, and he quickly gave some BS about how we were wanting to move at two different paces and that he didn't think he could do distance (what I had been worried about ALL along but what he had ASSURED me wouldn't be an issue)-- so there we were standing at the bridge... and instead of us crossing it together, he tells me to go ahead, and then before I realize what's going on he lights that thing on fire. So then I'm standing on the other end watching the bridge burn down... and today I'm just thinking to myself, as Usher would say, "LET IT BURN".

I was all bent out of shape about it for about two weeks, feeling sad and deeply betrayed, but there were some other red flags that I didn't mention that were glaring, and I feel in need of their own post to divulge into and tackle, I'll give you a hint *mommy issues* , but I'll digress from that for now. I am so grateful it ended before things got super messy, because I do believe now that it would have ended eventually. Sometimes timing just isn't on our side, and that's okay.

I had a wonderful Christmas spent with family and friends, and even though I was single again for the 30th time, I was never alone, and I had so much Joy and warmth in my heart for the people that I have in my life that love me. I guess Id rather be swimming alone, than swimming with the wrong fish in the sea. Better luck next time, isn't that what they all say? Anyways, drop some comments below, share some of your own stories, can anyone relate to being mislead? burnt out on? bread crumbed? lied to? talked to a guy whose actions didn't match his words?

Who wants that kind of boy anyway?

Until Next Time, xoxo Shelf Life Girl