Your guts are your friends!

Ladies, did you know, that if you authorize your right to delete a guy off of snapchat that you only went on one date with— you are a bitch ??? Wow, me either.

Yes, this actually did happen to me, and it’s pretty recent so I’m still pretty pissed off about it. This post is going to be putting this douche canoe on blast, and my aim isn’t to fill the shoes the of name I was so graciously given, but really to teach you a lesson that,

You should always listen to your God given intuition ladies! It will NOT lead you astray, and for the love of all things holy— do as I say, not as I do. Because it’s taken me 30 years to realize my gut is ALWAYS right— thats correct I said ALWAYS, not 50% of the time or 25% of the time, but100% of the time chicas!

I matched with this douche canoe on hinge. he seemed legit: handsome, future nurse anesthetist, and he liked the outdoors (according to his profile and pics). The plan was to meet for dinner on a week night, and I requested that we meet after I finished working out (around 630 PM) because I don't really like to mess up my weekly routine and me time (that's more important to me right now than some dude I dont even know yet.) So the first sign this guy is captain dick head of america... that night after I got out of my barre class (high-five for barre if you're into that, too) I feel like this will be easier to read if I write out the stream of messages for you all in line by line format, this begins the night of our first and ONLY encounter:

Douche Canoe: Hey, can you meet at 730

SLG 630PM : Hey, I'll do my best. I'm just now leaving barre. It takes me 20 minutes to get that place you wanted to meet, and I still need to go home to freshen up

Douche Canoe: No worries, I've been up since 5 and I have to do the same for the next two days. I'm sorry. If you're able to meet up around 5:30 or 6 either tomorrow or Friday, please let me know. I hope you had a good workout.

Let me just interrupt this text messaging feed to let you know... THIS IS WHEN I HAD THE FIRST BAD GUT FEELING ABOUT THIS GUY BC EXCUSE THE EFF OUT OF ME- but who do you think you are that you think YOUR time is more valuable than MY time, and not to mention the fact that I also have to get up early and work all day long-- Mr. Narcissistic prick....Okay, I'm done, for now.

SLG, 658 PM: Oh well that's too bad, I was just about to leave my house.

Douche Canoe: Well snap, lol I can meet you there

SLG, 659 PM: I mean, you're not the only one who has to get up early everyday.

Douche Canoe: Let's do this, you still down?

SLG, 702: If you aren't going to stand me up, or fall asleep on me, then yes.

So we meet up, he was nice, cute, we even had a major common bond, AND YET there was still something in my gut that said..... NOPE. Not this guy....but he wanted to meet again, and I figured..maybe I'm just being TOO picky... I should give it another try... This is the part of the story that if he had been a serial killer and I had gone on a second date with this mother fucker, I would be dead. I did not go on another date with him, and I am not dead, but he did add me on snapchat after our first encounter and I accepted bc I knew I was going to give it another try that weekend. We planned to meet on Saturday. He checked in on Friday night to make sure we were still planning to meet on Saturday for dinner and I said yes.

Here is the correspondence from Saturday afternoon:

Douche Canoe,12P: How is your Saturday going? let me know what you want to do later.

SLG, 115 P: would you like to go do something outside right now? it's so beautiful today!

Douche Canoe 2P: Well, I came back to where my apartment is (one hour and 15 minutes away, he's doing his clinical rotation where I am, and has a place to stay here but I guess decided he wanted to go back to his other place)

SLG: I'm confused, are we still on to hang out later?

Douche Canoe: Let's try to work something out. I came back here bc I wasn't sure how you were feeling about things, but I am still interested if you are. I just finished some hw and have to go to the gym. Would you like to drive here and meet me for dinner so we can kick it at my place afterwards?

Okay, so here's the thing. I don't chase men. My momma and daddy taught me to let them chase you. I'm sorry, I do realize this is the year 2020 and the time of the INDEPENDENT female, and don't get me wrong I am fairly independent, but there is nothing that will make me more turned off than a man asking me to DRIVE TO MEET HIM FOR DINNER SO FAR AWAY, who tf he think he is??

So I politely declined, said something sweet like, oh no thanks, maybe some other night, and this guy continued to send me random snapchats and yesterday sent me one of him showing off this 6000$ watch he was wearing, which is another thing that is a huge turn off to me. Baby, I do NOT care how much you pay for your clothes, your shoes, your watch. Do NOT get me twisted. I enjoy the finer things in life, but I also know that at the end of the day, none of the shit I buy on this earth is going with me in the grave, and I could give two craps about how much money you dropped on your watch, but if that's where you find value, then good for you, we are just two different types of people, and so when he sent me that snap, it just made me realize. I have the right to delete him as my friend because A) I just do, because this is a free country (I feel like i'm 5 years old saying that lol) and it's my snapchat anyways B) we literally went out ONE time and he was a huge dick soooo C) I don't care to see stuff like that and have that kind of person influencing my energy in any kind of way.

and would you believe... that not even like 5 minutes later. I got a text message that said:

Douche Canoe: Bitch!

I cannot make this shit up! It happened to me. So, PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Do not be like me. Listen to your gut, avoid the douche canoes of the world. It's not worth it.

Until Next Time Ladies, xoxo Shelf Life Girl